Still loving the One Arm Long Cycle. Acutally I think there is something very special about the exercise. Perfect blend of Strength and Endurance. I like two bell work too... but it is a more aggressive energy, and I am trying to reduce my aggression. Many people will argue with me, but if its one thing I am learning, competing with other others doesn't really get you anywhere in the Long Run. I mean, ok, you did 175 Jerks and I can only do 60. Does that make you a better person than me? Maybe haha. But you are still gonna get old. You are still gonna die. Me too. I mean probably anyway. I don't really know what Heaven has in store for me. Perhaps they Do want me to live to be 180. In that case I better be moderate in all things. Especially my qi and my temper. Its just no good for me to explode anymore. I'm really hurting myself and others. This is not what I want.
KB told me to find out where I went wrong. Where I started to really get locked into all the anger and bitterness that has dominated my Life since I was a child. The answer was easier than I thought. The move to Texas when I was 6. Yes I know I have visited this issue before and I will probably have to revisit it again, but I really wanna change direction at this stage in my life. I wanna see further into who I really am. Into HOW I CAN BE HAPPY. And I dn't mean greedy happy. I mean grateful happy. Family Family Family Family Family. Every time in my life that I have been really happy, it is when I felt like part of a family. I can no longer blame my mother for breaking up our family. She did. It's over. I forgive her. (at least I want to forgive her). I know she feels guilty about it. I know she would do it differently if she had to do over again. Mee Too. But I am done living with all this shame and regret and pain. FUCK THAT. If Heaven wants that from me then fuck them too. I don't want it. It doesn't help me be ME anyway. Which is probably what they want. Hope so, because that is what I am working toward.
Alright so as I type this my Amanda is curled up napping comfortably on her bed. Her mind is somewhere else. Faery Dream World. Maybe that existence is more real for her than this one is. Fine. She is my family now. Acutally, ALL BEINGS ARE MY FAMILY NOW. I ave a real opportunity. Not just to 'Be a Chef'. Sure great. But to really open up my heart and make room for all beings. WHY DO I DOUBT IT??? Heaven doesn't make mistakes, right? TG can become a place of love and caring and it starts with my position. So what that I don't get paid. So what that the menu isn't really 'In Line" with the Nature yet. I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN. I CAN LAY THE FOUNDATION. But it is not easy. I have to give myself credit. It's not very fucking easy. But I guess being a Mom is not easy either. Especially in this society. There is so much temptation of freedom and glamor and riches. I can't blame my own mother for wanting that stuff. So... Amanda is my family now. I will fill our life with the love and patience and tolerance that I did not grow up with.
And what might you ask does any of this have to do with Kettlebell Sport. Not Sure Hahaha. No honestly, what I discovered this week is that you have to follow your own goals. Know your own mission. Yes I can learn from other people, everyone has Something that they can teach me. But I don't need to be WKC Rank I or to go to Russia to improve my numbers. The question is WHY AM I DOING IT ANYWAY. Don't I have a good reason??? Do I need to compete or prove something to anyone else. Fuck that. What a way to waste my life. Jealousy and Competition can take a hike. I have MY LIFE TO LIVE :) :) :) :) :) Thank you Heavenly Mother for My Life.
Anyway:
OALC @ 20 kg 6 min @ 6 rpm
OALC @ 24 kg 20 mn @ (approx) 5 rpm PR Time.
Total Kg: 6240 PR Density.
